A Magazine of Action & Adventure
Posted 03/16/2023

It's All Science Fiction to Me

A duet, written by me, and set to the tune of "Still Rock and Roll to Me" by Billy Joel. Written a while ago, recently found in a notebook.

It's All Science Fiction to Me

A: What's the matter with the scifi I'm reading?
B: Can't you tell the genre tag is too wide?
A: Maybe I should call it scientifiction?
B: Sure if you want to start a backwards slide.
A: Weren't the pulps the birthplace of the story?
B: You can't like a thing if it made a lot of money
A: The blogs are fighting 'bout the best fic
Funny, but it's all science fiction to me

A: What's the matter with laser sword fighting?
B: Can't you tell that it's a fantasy prop?
A: Giant spaceships duel inside a vortex?
B: Yeah, but when's the science element drop?
A: Time travel to put the whales back in the oceans,
Or maybe teach a robot to have some real emotions.
Shifting phase, planet raids, maybe even death rays It's all science fiction to me.

B: Oh, scifi matters only when it rips tradition
Just throw away the things you like.
It must tax the brain and hist'ry it must blame
No futuristic sweet red bikes
Fun can just go take a hike.

A. How about a bunch of lab-built dinos
Or doze earth for a new off-ramp?
B: Well, if you don't focus only on post-modern issues
You'll never be a scifi champ.
Most important is to point out scifi is classist
Or win a big award then call a dead guy fascist
A: Martian shots, worker bots, fusion drives cold or hot,
It's all science fiction to me.

Pew pew!

A: Ooh, what's the matter with space opera I'm seeing?
B: It's not scifi, it's puerile fluff.
A. But what if I love rocket ships and ray guns?
B: If you do then you don't think enough.
A. What if a story asks if what we see is really real?
B: Only thing that matters is how much smarter that we feel.
A: Skin suits, rocket boots, monkeys talking, earth core chutes
It's all science fiction to me
Maybe going insane 'cause I just want to entertain
It's all science fiction to me